I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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