You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
