you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
