mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
