I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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