I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
