I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
