if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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