oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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