I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
