Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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