OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
someone owes me an orgasm
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
