She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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