it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
