i just sent this text using only my big toe
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
