Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
