It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
