Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
lol hangovers are for mortals.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
