I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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