Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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