I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize