Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
