lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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