Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
