Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
