dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
did you just send me my own nude
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
