I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
