Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
