sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
