I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
