Me too!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
