he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
