I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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