You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
