I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
