i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
