it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
