He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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