I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
