Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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