just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
