Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
