Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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