I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
