I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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