this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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