I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
