my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize