Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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