i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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