You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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