just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
