school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize