id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
