direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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