So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
