Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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