you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
