she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
