well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
