it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize