i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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