Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize