I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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