also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
