seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
