in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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