is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
