my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
