You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
