I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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