hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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