FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
