your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
