I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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