before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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