Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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