So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
